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Approaching Women Is Easy

 otterA lot of Game coverage is theory, sexual politics, and keyboard jockeying, but the meat and potatoes of it starts with simply approaching women. Even the doughiest betas and omegas know that a man will at some point need to walk up to a woman and talk to her if he has any hope of sleeping with her. (Whether they act on this knowledge or not is another matter.) Methods may vary, and yes we’re here to discuss which work best. But the fact of the matter is simply by talking to a strange woman you are already positioning yourself better than the majority of mankind. The average man, especially in the good old USA, is a coward.

Approach Anxiety

Most men do not open women because they get the jitters, or Approach Anxiety. Most of us have felt this and it’s completely natural. Just as you would feel butterflies before your first public speaking experience, so too might you get sweaty-palmed at the thought of talking to that cute chick in the detergent aisle. This is where most fellas will chicken out, and it’s the fulcrum on which your sex life can pivot if you learn how to do it well and often.

Anxiety is good. You’re stepping out of your comfort zone, and that’s something I will always recommend. Beyond that it’s a sign that the female target arouses you, at least at first blush. But in order to succeed you’ll have to harness your nervous energy. Eventually talking to beautiful strange women will be old hat, but in your first approaches you WILL feel nervous.

To combat this, you have to get out of your own head. If you are in need of quick rationales to tell yourself to talk to her, memorize these:

  • Talking to and even being rejected by a woman is nary a pin drop in the endless sea of time and space. You’re not that important.
  • Neither is she. She’s just a human with boobs and a vagina. You can bet SHE will never approach a stranger she likes.
  • The feeling of trying and being shot down is 1,000 times better than the feeling of knowing you let an opportunity pass you by.
  • The more you do it, the quicker you’ll become accustomed to it.
  • “I’m not in the mood” and “I don’t care” are the easiest lies to tell yourself. If you are contemplating it, you obviously are interested.
  • At the very least, you’ll make someone’s day. Who doesn’t like to hear they caught someone’s eye?
  • Your male friends will become jealous. Your female acquaintances may begin to find you mysterious.
  • Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.

Say Something – Anything

Another factor of AA is that the man is tongue-tied or clueless what to say to the woman. In movies we’ve seen it a million times, and either the guy is a smooth Cary Grant type or he’s comedic yet alluring (like Otter hitting on the dean’s wife in Animal House). In real life, it seems like torture trying to think of the right thing to say, and as we rack our brains we get even MORE anxious.

Just say something. Even the dumbest remark (“Some weather, huh?”) is better than stalling or forcing a contrived pick-up line. You see a woman, and within 2-3 seconds words should be coming out of your mouth. Ideally you should comment on something on her person or (if it’s a supermarket, for example) in her cart. “Is that detergent any good?”

In Roosh’s book Day Bang, he emphasizes the importance of innocuous questions and banter during the day. As he explains, women at night are often out for blood, and can be approached much more directly and with plenty of cocky and funny attitude. During the day, however, shields are up, so you’ll want to make your conversation indirect and light. I really recommend this book for daytime pickups (read: number closes). In it Roosh offers up some good routines to memorize and adjustments to make depending on venue. I’m not being paid to plug his book; I just don’t want to rip him off since the guy worked so hard to get it right. I DO recommend reading it.

Keep It Short – But Not Too Short

You got the words to come out and she’s smiling. Great job. Here’s another moment where a lot of guys might trip up. I know – I’ve messed up plenty of times here.

On the one hand, you want to end things early and (hopefully) on your terms. That is, don’t talk until she tires of you, and don’t let her be the one to say she’s gotta get going. It won’t be the end of the world if she does, but you must keep things in the 5-10 minute range (and ten minutes is a long time – you’d better be killing).

An older woman once struck up a conversation with me in the dairy aisle. Now, I love talking to the elderly, and she was very sweet. But for the love of God, she simply did not know how to end a daytime encounter between strangers. Every time I thought I’d pulled away on a closing note she’d resuscitate the dying conversation and I’d politely indulge another minute or two. By the time I’d finally pulled away I was exhausted and hoped I’d never see here again – especially since I practically knew her life story. (She later intercepted me in another aisle.) It’s an extreme example, and she wasn’t aiming for anything romantic (I don’t think), but the point is to keep within the proper bounds of time. After all, you’re a busy guy. Don’t be the talkative elderly lady.

On the other hand, don’t go in for the rush job. In my younger days, when I was just out of college and had just discovered SoSuave.com and other seduction sites, I figured a dose of confidence and ballsiness was all I needed and the women would be putty in my hands. “I saw you from across the store and figured I’d walk up to you and ask you out,” I’d say like I was George Clooney. (If you are George Clooney, go right ahead and do this.) Let me tell you, I know it took balls, because a lot of my targets told me as much. You know how many resulted in a lay? Exactly one.

You’re going to blindside a woman if you engage in this kind of guerilla game. Again, at night, in a club or bar, you’ve got plenty more latitude. During the day you want get some rapport going before the number close.

Talk To Everybody

I’m purposely leaving out the “what” you should be talking about when you approach women. Here’s a little secret: It doesn’t matter, and the less shit you try to memorize, the better. The key is for you to be outgoing and effortlessly conversant, no matter who it is you’re talking to.

A great way to get the ball rolling is to widen your net and talk to all kinds of people out there. Yes, that includes other men, the elderly, the unattractive, even the outwardly rude. When you set foot out the door, you should be a Chatty Cathy ready to talk to anyone you want. to. You’ll be surprised how many introverts out there love a little banter. The butcher, the Fed Ex guy, the teller at the bank. People in bad moods are my favorite. As soon as I can tell the cashier is in a bitchy mood, I do my best to wear a shit-eating grin and get her to laugh. Sometimes it takes a little empathy – “can you believe how rude some customers are?” – but if I can get someone to lighten up and smile, I’ve done my job.

Make a habit of being an extrovert and you’ll find it easy to talk to anyone, including the babes you want to bring home. Your heart may still skip a beat when you see a good looking female, but you’ll be far better prepared to treat her like an ugly old man (if you get what I mean).

Steer clear of the obvious, meaning religion, politics, and anything overtly sexual. You may be able to slip in a political observation or joke if you know your audience and know it’s safe to discuss. (Example: NYC Mayor Bloomberg’s attempt at a soda ban.) Better to keep it light though. People have enough shit in their lives without hearing what you think about immigration or drones.

Tell Her To Give You Her Number

Don’t ask. In general, if you are to be a Man, remember that you’ve got to tell her what to do. Asking is submissive and should be saved for rare occasions. “Give me your number, maybe we can talk more over a drink.” Again, keep it simple, and with a smile on your face. If you’re too serious you’ll seem domineering (in the wrong way). Don’t smile too much either though; act like you’ve been there before. I don’t care if you’re the farthest thing from Mr. Clooney looks-wise, EVERYBODY has a seductive smile they can summon. Work on yours in front of the mirror.

The number close should mark the END of your encounter – excuse yourself and get out of there.

If She Says ‘No,’ Move On

Her reasons are irrelevant. Lack of interest is lack of interest. Don’t take rejection personally. Just respond with something simple like, “Hey I understand. It was nice talking to you. Have a great day.” Keep that smile on your face. And then again excuse yourself – you’re done either way.

There are a lot of details I’ve left out, but the general idea is to get you motivated to get out there and talk to people. Keep in mind that you will be shot down many, many times. It is, as they say, a numbers game. But that’s a good thing – it will inoculate you against the “humiliation” of rejection that paralyzes so many men out there. The less you care about your success or failure, the more confident you’ll be, and the more likely a woman will be to find you attractive. Once you start getting numbers and dates, you’ll be a man with sexual capital, and you’ll be ready to go out and spend it. Happy hunting.