Tag Archives: attention

No More Mr. Nice Guy

There’s a thread going on over at SoSuave.com’s discussion board about the recently emerging online groupies of Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. User PlayHer Man, who started the thread, opines [emphases his],

The bottomline is.. women love beta male[s], BUT they have wet dreams about evil sociopaths like the Boston terrorist and Tony Soprano.

Not sure if its the power these men have over others or just the evil alone that attracts women. But if anyone is still having the nice guy vs. Bad boy argument, I think it was settled a long time ago.

Ah, Nice guys v. Jerks. The debate to end all debate in the seduction community. It’s never-ending and impossible to deliver a substantial verdict, mainly because it is discussed in so many forms and contexts. But the bottom line argument is: Women Dig Jerks. The corollary, of course, is that Nice Guys Finish Last.

Before we get to Tsarnaev, I think it’s interesting that PlayHer Man mentioned the Tony Soprano character (from HBO’s The Sopranos, for those in the dark). I’ve been watching a lot of Sopranos reruns lately; the show’s characters are well-written and offer a peculiar glimpse into the human condition. Tony, of course, is the capo di tutti capi, the boss of bosses. He is undeniably alpha, and the writers leave little room for doubt on this point. Once in a great while, Tony might be a situational beta, or he might display beta behaviors (usually in his scenes with Dr. Melfi). Otherwise, he is a man to be feared and respected, and of course he pulls all kinds of ass in addition to more or less keeping his wife within his frame.

Now I’m not suggesting you get “connected” (any more than I’d suggest you enlist in jihad). What Tony does for a living is not the point. The point is that he has the right combination of alpha ingredients: Status, wealth/resources, confidence, game, with his looks coming in last. Of course he’s a fictional character and to a certain extent a male fantasy, but his character demonstrates that being a criminal and a murderer does not preclude a man from dipping his pen in many inkwells. Quite the contrary.

Tsarnaev, on the other hand, is a different example. For one, he operates in the real world. We know far less about him, though we have gleaned some details over the past few weeks. His current positioning as some kind of fringe heartthrob owes more to his fame and notoriety than his wicked deeds. Of course, his fame is a direct result of those deeds, and we could have a debate about the media’s role in all of this. But suffice to say that having your photo and name plastered all over the news and internet will result in a cottage industry of horny females wondering what you might be like in bed. These women may not seem like the kind you’d bring home to mom, but how can you be sure what strange fantasies lurk in the mind of your woman?

These are two extreme cases of, with all due respect to those hurt by such tragedies, the Bad Boy archetype. What can we learn from them?

First and foremost, that women will indulge in fantasies involving men who are, in some way, “bad.” One needn’t look any further than the wild success of 50 Shades Of Grey to understand this. And of course women, especially younger women, will date/fuck men who give them the kind of thrill that only comes from the disapproval of others.

So what’s a Nice Guy to do? You’re obviously not interested in criminality (I hope). And you can’t afford a motorcycle right now. Allow me to help.

1. Be playfully mischievous and insubordinate. Tease her. Cut in line with her. Answer her questions with smart ass or joke comebacks. Pull her hair. Keep a pair of handcuffs on your nightstand in full view. The idea is to show her you’re not afraid of her and aren’t like other guys. You must have a little devil in you, like the schoolyard boy who avoids girls with cooties.

2. Be mysterious. This plays to a woman’s fantasies. Remember, it matters less what you’ve done than what you tell her, or don’t tell her. In the early going of seduction or courtship, it behooves you to be discreet about your history, your activities, and your “morals.” I’m not suggesting you lie or cover up some major fact (e.g., you’re married). What I am suggesting is you let your story be unraveled by the woman. Drop little pieces of bait here and there, answer questions vaguely, or better yet laugh them off. (This goes double for any questions about your sexual past, which should always remain mysterious.) Believe it or not, most of us lead ordinary 9-to-5 lives with, one hopes, a few interesting hobbies sprinkled in. If you’re an open book, she’ll get all the information she needs and toss you in the recycling bin. Let her construct her own version of your life, so she has something to chew on with her girlfriends when they’re asking about you.

These are but two ingredients for your new Jerk/Bad Boy persona. There will be more to mention in the posts ahead. Remember that when people disparage “nice guys,” they’re really bemoaning a form of game that’s an attempt to negotiate favors, goods, and compliments for sex. There are other layers to the nice guy that need addressing as well (being a doormat, or apologizing too often, for example), but the bottom line is the Nice Guy is a guy who’s been programmed by Disney to expect sexual reward and loyalty for his (supposed) valiance. Thus a final rule to add to this post will be that what women say they want and what they want are usually two different things. The best way to differentiate is to open your eyes and close your ears, naturally.

An Introduction

I’m going to open with one of those self-help book openings: Congratulations. If you’re here, it most likely means you’re looking for answers. Whether you yourself are male or female, you’ve stumbled upon a blog that’s here to help. This blog, obviously, is male-centric, but is welcome to any and all readers. Its focus is to help out the modern male, in a world that’s abundant in female-oriented guidance and advocacy. That’s not to criticize the female oriented. It just means that The Universal Male will be a beacon for men. I don’t claim to have a monopoly on answers or truth or even opinion, so I will welcome debate and disagreement. I will, whenever possible, seek truth – and it may not always be pretty.

It’s easier for me to explain what this blog isn’t first. It isn’t a “Men’s Rights” blog. Although I may agree with some of the tenets of that movement as it were, I’m not an advocate of assembling, protesting, legislating, and the like to find happiness. This is also not an Evo-Psych blog. If I have a faith it’s science, but I’m not qualified necessarily to go beyond layman’s knowledge of evolution, psychology, biology, or any other such field. We can discuss it, but don’t take what you read here as the final word. (That should go for anything you read, anywhere.) And finally this is not a Politics blog. Discussion of current events will be unavoidable, but I’m not here to tell you whom to vote for, what cause to support, or whom to hate. I’m going to do my best to avoid firebrand statements and moral grandstanding; if I slip, I’m only human.

I’m here to write about self-improvement and growth as a man on this tiny blue marble. Part of it will involve tips on seducing the fairer sex. With all due respect to homosexual men, who again are welcome here, the overall thrust (ha) of my romantic advice will be toward enjoying the company of females. But as we say in the seduction world, women are really only a byproduct of happiness, so we’re going to focus on exactly that. Your happiness, your sovereignty, your independence, your choices, and your consequences. I can be wordy at times, but I will try to boil things down as simply as possible.

And now, since we are dabbling in the language arts, I’m going to end this first post with a personal anecdote.

During my teen years, I was unlucky with females. Actually “unlucky” may be the wrong word, since that would imply trial and error. I was just clueless. I had gone to a very small private junior high, with few choices and zero discretion when it came to “dating.” When I went with a girl to a movie, everyone knew. By high school, I had figured out how to be popular (make jokes, be a smartass in class) but still not how to leverage that into girlie action. Instead I became an emotional tampon for my female “friends,” who deep down I wanted to bang but could never figure out how to go about it.

By my junior year I had mustered the nuts to ask a younger girl out. I’ll call her Catherine. We had bonded in a school play and I figured I had some coin with her. On our first date, I made it to make-out, then immediately negotiated to “go steady.” I was let down easy.

Off and on over the next year of so, I chased this girl. One girl. I knew Catherine went out with other boys, but I couldn’t shake my sniper’s mentality. I figured if I attacked her from enough angles, she’d cave. The cycle was typical: We’d have a good time on a date, kiss a little, then she’d break my heart and tell me we should be friends. I’d do silly things like buy flowers or tell her how crazy I was about her, and she’d tell me I was a nice guy and really sweet.

Finally, by my final semester, I’d had it. Even a chump has a breaking point, right? I decided I was through chasing her and even told her as much to her face. In reality I wanted to lick a boob, any boob, and get my dick wet. There were other girls at my school. I started asking out a couple of different ones, including a friend of Catherine’s.

Lo and behold what should happen but Catherine tells me she wants to be with me. And it wasn’t just lip service this time. She threw herself physically at me. We dated my last few months of high school.

A friend of mine later commented on how I “wore Catherine down.” In other words, he believed my persistent beta actions finally got her panties to drop. I wasn’t totally unplugged then, but I did understand that this wasn’t true at all.

“I didn’t wear her down,” I rebutted. “I stopped paying attention to her. That’s when she chased me.

The lesson then, as I’m sure you’ve figured out, is that your attention (or lack thereof) is your most powerful weapon when interacting with women. Certainly you will need to give some attention in order to signal interest and build rapport. But subsequent withdrawal of attention can be equally powerful. There will be different levels of pulling back as dictated by each situation, and I’ll get to those in future posts. But always remember that attention is a tool, and its absence can be just as useful to you when finding balance in seduction. It’s especially useful when you’re not getting what you want out of a relationship; in a case like mine with Catherine, it had less to do with seducing her than with me keeping my sanity and not being a doormat. If Catherine had never talked to me again I still would have been happier for having the self-respect to walk away from a frustrating situation. Remember that life is short and to spend it trying to ply someone whose interests don’t coincide with yours is a colossal waste of your time.